Labels

I despise negative labels. Yes, sometimes things and people require labels to distinguish them from others, but other times negative labels are assigned in a hasty and thoughtless way, often to excuse holding whatever or whomever to normal expectations. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure out of frustration I've used a label that might be deemed negative, but I find that repeating a negative label to children and to others over and over again to be disheartening and too frequent. I'm a product of some negative labeling -- my high energy made me difficult and hyperactive, or too talkative. Some teachers and adults found my stirring, busyness and inquisitive nature as annoyances. It would have been really easy for me to fall into a self-fulfilling prophecy where I didn't think I was worth the time and energy and that my questions were never worth asking, and at times I have struggled with that. But instead, for the most part, those experiences drove my desire to work with children to some capacity, as someone who could relate to those often left to the side or behind to figure things out on their own, or because my role model just didn't know what to do with me.

I can remember asking questions in classes that teachers didn't know how to answer, and instead of them acknowledging that they couldn't answer and finding a way TO answer, they would grow very angry with me, like I was undermining them in some way. When teaching, the first thing I emphasize with my students upon meeting them is that I'm not perfect -- I don't have all the answers and I'll make plenty of mistakes. I go on to explain that we work as a team and I will be there to help them as I am able, and if I can't do it, I'll try to find the means. I found this to help me make special connections with just about any kid, which has fueled my love to work with them or for them even more. I noticed that kids would speak up with no hesitation if I made a mistake in some way. I loved it, and it seemed to make them feel very important.

Of course with a daughter whose mind is always racing with new and old thoughts, I sometimes worry how others will accept her. She's highly analytical which leads me to believe she'll stump a person or two with some of her questioning. I recognize that not all have the patience to deal with such high energy, but it is my hope and prayer that once she begins school, she will be placed with very understanding and patient people -- people who get her and know how to channel her awesomeness. I don't want her interactions to label her negatively. And I know if she's surrounded by more understanding people than not, she'll overcome the tendency to label herself in a negative way and will build a strong self image -- a challenge and task I'm willing to take on to the best of my ability.

Here Vanessa wanted to label herself with mailing labels, like they were stickers. Mommy warned her that they would stick more than stickers and be hard to peel off and it would probably hurt a bit, so maybe it wasn't a good idea. She was determined to try anyhow: "I can do it, Mommy. It's really okay, Mommy." This was an instance I figured was okay to turn into a learning experience, as long as we kept them out of her hair. :) When she tried peeling them off herself, she decided it hurt and she needed help. She had no problem asking for help (after two years of teaching her to calm down and ask for help when she needs it. One of her first sentences learned was "Mommy, help?" Soon after she learned "I'll try first.") She let me help her. :)

Other labels I'd like her to avoid are "a know-it-all" and "arrogant" -- so we discussed how sometimes we need to listen to others, especially when they want what is best for us.