Kids came later for us, later than many parents aim for in starting and completing a family. There were times early on when I wished kids had come sooner, but then I eventually realized that I wouldn't have the children I have if that were the case, plus, I'm very appreciative of the time Adam and I had together and the time I was able to navigate the decades that can be really hard to raise the next generation when we're uncertain of how the world works and what truly matters. I shared recently that if I had had kids in my 20s, I'm not sure it would have turned out well with all we navigated in our 20s and even in our 30s. God is good, cause He knew but I didn't.
In my 20s, it took all I had to figure out independence from my childhood and adolescence. In my 30s I spent a lot of time realigning to what I felt was the direction for a healthy family and healthy self, and I was playing the uncertain comparison and what-if games way more than I would like to admit. Once I hit my 40s, though, I became really confident and have been better able to turn off the worldly voices to focus on and obey God's voice and direction with big confidence . . . probably because every time I ask God to reveal Himself in matters, He does, even if it's not in a way that meets worldly standards or I thought He would or should.
Adam has never really struggled with confidence in strong convictions and where loyalty matters, or at least he's hidden it well if he does. I admire that he's consistent and constant in this way, even when I disagree. He doesn't pretend, which means he doesn't get snagged by the consequences of pretending nearly as much as many and myself. That's a good thing. And it's one way we balance each other well. He also encourages me to keep focus on helping to shape our family as we are called to, sometimes thinking through the longterm consequences of a decision when I'm too much in the moment and tempted to keep peace by actions, even if ultimately wrong.
So why a picture of mittens? Well while dealing with my 2nd grader to put on a coat in freezing weather to walk to school, the toddler waiting patiently on us had taken his mittens back off and dropped them on the garage floor. We walked about a half a block before I realized he must have taken them off and thrown them down. I paused, looked on the ground near to us and realized that he must have dropped them near the sidewalk close to the house. Already a few minutes behind, I pulled Hendrix's coat sleeves down over his hands and told him we'll have to look for them after we drop off Zane. But you might guess that there were people to comment near the school about the little guy needing gloves.
I smiled and maybe explained to a person or two who made a duh comment that Hendrix must have dropped the ones he had on. But for the most part I was able to let it roll off my shoulders and not take the criticism to heart. (Actually anymore, I often chuckle.) Instead I started thinking about perspective and remembering how people tend to only consider their own experiences and perspective as it applies to a particular context. Some of these people don't get that I have a couple of children with an extra extra strong will. Some of these people know only calmer and laid back personalities. So I can't fault them for not getting it, but I can easily forgive them for not knowing, move on and continue doing what I believe is best for us and our family.
In general, it is a rule for us that there is absolutely no negotiating winter apparel when the temperature is near freezing or below freezing, cause that's when harm can truly be done. I'm more relaxed when the temps are around the 50s cause I know they shouldn't have issues with frostbite or hypothermia, so it seems like an okay opportunity for kids to try making the better choice for themselves. However, I also can't feel guilty when a toddler is acting like a toddler and doesn't appreciate that in 5 minutes he is going to wish he had his gloves on. We walked back home and I didn't see the mittens anywhere. My thought was certainly he didn't take them back off right after he very willingly let me put them on him. Yep, we didn't even make it out of the house, technically. But hey, we'll try again tomorrow and I'll chuckle and say Go figure! if it's a repeat day of today.
