Vanessa is extremely social. She rounds up kids at playgrounds, runs into classes with stories and news to share, and asks daily to email or text friends to make plans. If I don't make the plans, she pretends to. I overhear phone calls and catch glimpses of texts being sent. She gives the time and place and tells the order of events -- games they will play, snacks they will eat, and everything. If she has to settle for spending a morning at home with no company, she has imaginary friends come to visit. (It's hard to convince her right now that one or two mornings at home is a good thing.)
She used to play like her favorite fictitious characters. (We've had several Transformers and Justice League characters here for breakfast. They sometimes go on car trips with us too.) In the last couple of months Vanessa acquired totally made up people. She acquired a little sister named Shawna. Shawna is 3. Vanessa describes her as younger than some of her real friends but older than Zane. She says Shawna will do a lot more than Zane. Shawna isn't around much. In the last week or so, Vanessa acquired another new friend named Neeko. (Transformer Bumblebee's child, she says.) Before bed last night, Vanessa asked me to email to make plans for today. I promised I would. She carefully instructed me to email from her pretend computer, not any of our real ones. I need to think of a clever response -- I just want to play the day by ear and do nothing!
Something I noticed is that these new friends come around when I've asked her to be patient, and quite often while I'm doing something for Zane. Or when I tell her something like "I can't climb the tree right now because I need to stand behind Zane to be sure he doesn't fall" or "I can't chase you with Zane acting like he's going to take off in the other direction."
Vanessa is engaged in a variety of activities daily but it's the free play with me that she seems to miss most. She leaves real friends behind to come ask me to do something with her. I remind her that we're there to play with so and so, and she pouts and says "But I want to play with you." She and mommy need more dates -- it's obvious. I believe she misses our alone time together, with no hidden agenda for learning a particular concept and to just be free to do whatever we want. Perhaps I showered her with too much of me early on . . . something I can't say I will ever regret, though. But she's been patient for a really long time with many things. I admit in recent times I've taken advantage of her strong ability to self entertain. Slowing down now to embrace the little things would be good, before her rat race begins in a few months. I think it will help a ton if she, Zane and I get back to impulsive nature hikes, picnics, and car rides all by ourselves, when we do whatever and enjoy each moment as it presents. I like to be free . . . Vanessa seems to like it too . . .
